The big year of events

April 1999

This is the year I turn 25. I've just been convinced that our future wasn't where I'd always thought it was. 

This year was a milestone in our family...seems every five year birthday is a big deal for my mom. 

She was a partier, she loved to have luncheons, parties, and recognize her daughters especially. As you can gather from where I'm going with this, our relationship was a bit weathered by this point. I was spending more time with my mother in law and sister in law than I was my own mother and sisters. 

We had planned a trip to Disneyland, like many families do in the spring and summertime, where we lived. It was a trip with my husband's brother and wife, and their two children. We were excited, it was our first trip with our boys. My husband and I had been there as kids.

Among our excitement, a death of a family member's friend's father had occurred. This, putting his funeral falling on my birthday, and our trip to Disneyland happening the next day...

Needless to say, my "25th" birthday bash at my mom's house was postponed for the loss of this man in our church, and our trip to CA. We talked about holding this celebration until after we got back.

Well, days go by fast!

Mother's day is shortly after my birthday, as I believe we were driving back from CA during that day. Needless to say, I didn't spend it with my mom, or my husband's mom. I'm not sure what happened after we returned, but life filled with work schedules, swimming lessons, etc. took place of the birthday party.

A few months go by, less contact with my family, more with my husband's family. 

I remember a conversation in July with my oldest sister at a Thursday night meeting, where she asked me (while my boys were "playing") what we should plan for my mom's birthday. She would turn 50 this year. A HUGE milestone in my family's life.

I mentioned speaking to my sister at "church".

Yes, I asked to not go back.

Yes, I know our future wasn't there.

I needed to know for sure-just this one last time...

I went once more after I'd cried for my husband to never make me go back. 

He didn't care how long I went, but my sister in law did. 

She was furious that I went again that night, but the outcome of what I experienced at that meeting was a definite answer to our attendance any further!

My answer to my sister about planning my mom's 50th birthday party was, 

"Go ahead, I'm not really into planning anything birthday related." 

or something to the fact of 

"You want ME to plan a birthday party? It's freaking July for crying out loud!" 

So you can see the hesitation in my attitude. The way I was raised, you "do unto others" and no one had planned a party for me...why should I plan one for anyone else? 

Now, I can see what a poor attitude I had! Thank you Jesus for taking that from me!

Never went back to the Thursday night meetings.

August 4th rolls around! Wow...several months, still no birthday recognition for my milestone that everyone else made a bigger deal out of than me. Well, it happens to be my dad's birthday today...August 4. Not sure what age, but not a "milestone age".  One we'll always remember, but not milestone age.

Swimming lessons that morning. 

My nephew had them the same time as my son, so we were all gathered at the Oregon City Swimming pool. Since my mother hadn't been very present in our lives, I think had invited her to come watch the boys at swimming lessons, forgetting it was my dad's birthday. She obliged, and showed up to greet us at the curb.

I think she felt awkward there with my mother in law, sister in law, and myself. Like she didn't fit in. That was her body language she was portraying. She really didn't have a fondness for my husband's family. She put on a good show, but she didn't have to say that she'd rather not affiliate with them.

As we headed back to the truck afterwards, my sons rode with my mother in law and their cousin as we had planned to meet up the hill at my house afterwards.

My mom stopped me, as I'd been trying to ignore this conversation was coming...I couldn't get away from it...