"It's going down NOW!"

I am not using names, so the "wording" won't be exactly what was said, but you'll get the idea of what I mean they were saying.

She stopped me before I could get into the truck to drive home.
"How come you're spending all your time with your mother in law and sister in law?"

How do you answer that?  I couldn't very well say, "Because my husband likes them more?"
That would just be too offensive.  Frankly, I was a bit offended that she'd come right out and ask me that.  I just shrugged, and said I didn't know.

She stood there with that disappointing frown she always got when she didn't like something I said. I was utterly shaking inside. My hands felt kind of cold and sweaty. I was just terrified we were having this conversation outside the Oregon City Swimming Pool on the sidewalk!

"Going to church used to be important to you." She stated.

"Well, It's not anymore." which wasn't totally the truth. Learning about God, Jesus and their plan for me and my family was more important that going to sing 10 songs, and play on the stairs afterwards while talking about Disneyland and the upcoming parties.

"Things have changed, we don't feel like we used to." I tried to explain. "Why don't you come up and we can talk, this isn't the place to have this conversation." I walked toward the truck, and she to her car. I immediately reached for my cell phone and dialed my husband at work. Trying to hide it so she couldn't see I was calling him. This was a quick 3 minute drive, at best, from the swimming pool to our house.

"It's going down....NOW...you need to come home. NOW!!" I was still shaking, he hung up, maybe some words were exchanged, but he knew exactly what I was talking about. He was on his way.



The drive seemed shorter than I thought it would be, I had just barely hung up (Yes, in 1999, I drove a truck and talked on the phone!) and pulled into the driveway. She was right behind me. I went into the house, pretending not to see she was already there, getting out of her car.

My sister in law and mother in law were in my house already, all I remember is walking straight in the house, they were on the couch, and I went into the  hall bathroom.  I turned to go out of the bathroom, and I whispered to my sister in law, as she was heading into the bathroom, "It's going down. She wants to know why we don't go to church anymore, I called my husband, he's on his way!!" and she took the kids with my mother in law and they went to the park or somewhere so we could talk alone.

My mother was RIGHT there, behind me, I think she could've heard me whispering to my sister in law, but she followed me out to the living room, and my sister in law and mother in law were already on their way to the car with the boys.

"Let's sit down." I sat in the rocking chair, she sat on the couch. I didn't know where to start other than, "Going to church used to be important to me, but not anymore."
She didn't like that.
"I don't think we'll be going back." I think is what I mentioned.

To my relief, my husband walked through the front door.

"You called him!?" she screamed, "and didn't let me call dad!?" she started to cry I think.

The next little bit is what I THINK happened, as I'm still kind of shaking 13 years later, typing this, I can't quote exact words here.

"Hi, How's it goin'?" my husband asked her.

"Yes, I called him on my way home from the pool. I thought he needed to be able to tell you what you wanted to know." I tried to stay calm. "Would you like to call dad?"
So she did.  She told him she was at my house, and my husband was there and could he come up?


How awkward was this. I'm sure there was conversation, but I honestly don't remember it.

So, just a bit later, (they were maybe 15 min. from our house driving the back way) my dad walked through our front door. "What's all this about?" I think he said.

I think my husband started out by saying, "We don't plan on going out to church anymore." and my dad said, "Well, that's a great birthday gift!" but not in a happy way, "I figured this was coming." He added.

This was not the reaction I thought he'd have...I was thinking to myself....Really?! What made you think that? No church attendance in over 3 months? Wow, you catch on fast!
Maybe they put off talking to us so long the same reason we put off talking to them so long...we didn't want this to be over, and we knew that's what was going to happen.

"Well, where do we stand with the boys?" he asked.

"They're your grandchildren!" I said loudly, "That doesn't change anything. You're still their papa and gram."

"I will do whatever it takes to ensure you have a relationship with my kids." my husband assured him and my mom.

They needed some time to think this over. "How about we think about this, and we'll get back to you next week?" my dad asked.

Hmm. I think there's hope after all! IF they're not completely decided on walking out of here now, forever, I'm sure they won't totally disown us forever! Well, I was a bit too hopeful that we could search for a different church, (while we still lived there) and my kids could see their gram and papa on occasion, just not at church. Nothing should change...

"We won't say anything to anyone about this, we'll think about it, and meet with you again to discuss our decision." he said.  They left, and then...

Someone said something to someone else, because that evening, we started getting phone calls from people. My aunts, my cousins, I can't keep track who called.

A few calls stood out to me, because I barely knew them.  Weird, I thought...since no one was supposed to know our conversation was had.

That was a hard few days. We had a garage sale, and it was awkward that people came from church, but they must not have known we "left". There was a lady in a group of women that stood at the edge of my driveway while her girlfriends came into the garage and "shopped". She apparently knew we "left" so she wasn't going to set foot in our garage, but one woman bought a pair of toddler shoes for her grandson.
The conversation on the way back to their car was about how we left church.

Lots of stuff happened, lots of conversations, one or two visits from friends over this week...but let's get to the "going down" part.



{in the spongebob cartoon overvoice on TV}
                                                                             "One week later..."


We agreed to meet with my parents, and they came over to our house. My mom had a card in her hand.

"Happy belated birthday." She handed me a card.

"Oh. Thanks." I said.  She hugged me, we all sat down. The boys went to play in their room.

"Well," my dad started out, "We thought about it, and we feel that as long as you don't go out there, then we're not going to come around, and vice versa."
[Or something to that effect...those may not be his exact words, but we got the picture that they were saying we choose not to be in your lives anymore because you won't go sing 10 songs in that building.]

"Ok then," [or something like that] was said by my husband.

"Can we tell the kids?" my dad asked.

I can't remember what happened, or what was said next, but I do remember the look on my husband's face, and the tone in his voice, when he told them "No!"

Some words were exchanged, honestly, I can't remember exactly, but my parents got up off the couch and went out the door, saying they loved us.

huh.

I thought love was different than a condition of attending a meeting where 10 songs were sung and "doing" all these things for the glory of man.

OK, I guess I had some adjusting of thoughts to do about love.

I opened my birthday card, and found $40.
We took his mom and sister in law to Chevy's for lunch...a belated birthday lunch of course, but on my mom and dad's dime.