Remembering Memorial Day

We just celebrated Memorial Day, and I have been reflecting on the past, and present celebrations. 


In the past, I have went to the family graveyard, used by the church we grew up in, and placed silk, and fresh flowers on graves. 


My mother, and her mother, would recycle Styrofoam shapes from funerals, and fill them with silk flowers. They'd place them on my grandpa's grave, and then other family members.
My grandma would store them in her big garage and wait for the following year to use the same arrangement, until it got too faded (which was many years of use) and then she'd replace the flowers, or my mother would re-do the arrangement. 


I placed roses or rhododendrons from our yard, or my grandma's yard, on my cousin's grave, my grandpa's grave, aunts and uncles, and some children of our family, or friends that I felt close to. 


There were memories of when those loved ones were alive, we'd visit the graveyard and take pictures. That was about the extent of our "celebration" of that day.


After moving away from OR, and having two more children, when we were in OR on that special weekend, we'd visit the graveyard, and bring flowers from the yard.

Here are my two children born since leaving OR standing in front of my grandparent's grave in 2007          on Memorial Day weekend, on a trip we took to OR from WA

Memorial day wasn't a big patriotic celebration in our family, just a day to remember those we loved that died, a day of decorating graves, and no school.


I'm thankful that is not what my family currently celebrates. Though we can remember loved ones that have passed, it just has a different meaning to us now.


Having three boys participate in Cub Scouts, and later Boy Scouts, Memorial day has had events that take us into our community and to properly observe the meaning of our freedom in the country we live.





This memorial day, as I went to Tahoma National Cemetery with my son and his cub scout pack, we remembered fallen service men, and their wives, fallen service women and their husbands, who were buried in these hallowed grounds. 

This service man had someone put flowers on his grave. This is before the flag was straightened.

The cub scouts went through sections of graves and straightened the flags so they weren't leaning or falling to pay some respect and offer a thank you for those that served our country and are no longer with us.

Clay makes one straight before moving on to the next falling flag.

It was so moving to see these young boys from 1st grade through 4th grade bending over, straightening flags, and honoring the ones that made the sacrifice to defend us.

Clay going down the middle of two rows, making sure the flags are straight.

We found many men that served the same as my husband's father, in the Navy.

We saw many that had their wives pass before them.

All the ones we saw had some respect given to them, and were honored on this precious day.

Many graves are decorated, many are not. 

We value the service these brave men and women and their families gave to our country, and for that, we straighten the American Flag placed at your graveside.       

 {which is only allowed in this cemetery on Memorial Day weekend}

On another day of this weekend, when we honored the ultimate sacrifice, of Jesus Christ dying a sinless death, on the cross, for the sins of the world...

My oldest son was baptized into the death, burial and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Buried in Death, and Risen to walk in the newness of Life...

Where to go from there...

Life looked a little different for me now. When you go to the grocery store, and what feels like the whole city knows you're not participating in a sing along meeting, you are on a bit of a guard.  Or, atleast I was.

I shopped for groceries, we kept with our swimming lessons, we didn't hide in shame because of our choice to stop singing 10 songs and try to find what Christ really meant for us.  But when you enter an aisle in a store, with your shopping cart, and you come face to face with someone that you used to see twice a week, it's uncomfortable to say the least.

I had no problem smiling, and saying, "Hi." I think they did though. IF I caught any one's glimpse, they were usually looking down, or turned their head the other way, as not to "see me". Not so inconspicuous though, they couldn't hide from me, nor was I trying to make myself a spectacle. I'd just as soon not run into any one I knew from there. 

One instance of "not making eye contact" with current "members" was at the Thriftway Post Office {which I know is no longer standing}

My oldest son, -4 years old at the time- and I went to get packing tape and that's the location we went to. There was a gal in line, about 4 people in front of her, maybe two behind her. She was just a year or so older than me, married to a cousin of mine, and she  had tried to convince me to come back to "church" She emailed me that she'd even sit by me if I did.
She knew my son and I were there, I wanted to say Hi, but I knew she didn't. I wasn't about to cause a scene or make her more uncomfortable than she obviously already was!

So, we got our packing supplies and headed to check out, walking directly passed her, without either of us acknowledging each other.
That was strange. Weird, no one else we knew was around, so it wasn't like anyone would have "seen her" or had to "shun her" because she smiled or said hello to us.

I pitied those types of people, and I still feel sorry for them that the way they treat others that "leave" is what they think they're supposed to do.

We had put our house up for sale, (by owner) and within the time we placed an ad in the newspaper, we got an offer. We were walked through the closing of the sale by an acquaintance, and we were moving!

God was watching out for us through this whole process, and we praise him today for this intervention He had in our lives.  Who's house sells in less than a few days? Well, God can make anything possible.

So, we weren't sure when we'd be "going into management" or moving wherever God wanted to put us, so, we bought a trailer house (mostly for our upcoming hunting trip) but we weren't sure if we'd be living in it either!

After our hunting trip, we parked our trailer house at my husband's parent's house and stayed with them until we found an apartment that we could rent until the destination had been chosen.  I think that took a month and a half, maybe two.
We finally settled into our cozy two bedroom apartment, in Milwaukie, waiting. Training, meeting, and waiting for the boss to say go.

Well, it didn't take long, and the boss said GO!

We applied at Redding, CA. Looked at homes, tried to figure out if we'd be making a life there.

No.  Not the right fit for us.

Just a few days after our return, I remember getting a phone call, "East Idaho Falls!" he said with such enthusiasm, I could tell by his voice he was smiling, "750 miles away!"  he wasn't kidding.

"Where?" I asked...in confusion. Idaho was a bit of a dreaded word growing up...I wasn't sure what to think of this.  I got on the computer, and started finding out where he was talking about.

The orange color on the map at the right, is considered Bonneville County. That is where Idaho Falls is located. The red area on the map at the left is where Clackamas County is located, in OR. this store is a long way away.

"There's an opening in East Idaho Falls." He explained. They want us to go tomorrow.
Wow, that was fast.
That was the day before Mother's day!

"OK, I'll start packing." so I packed up a bag for the boys to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a few days, and I packed a change of clothes and work clothes for my husband.

We got on the road, and made it to the OR/ID border. 
{which I later found out Ore~Ida is located there...you know, the frozen potato company?!}
Makes sense now doesn't it?

There was a run-down motel that we found, and decided it was better than falling asleep on the highway.

That Mother's Day morning, we made the trek into Idaho Falls. We arrived by evening, dinner time, and were a bit uneasy feeling. I think it had to do with the altitude. 

We drove into the store parking lot, and thought, "Wow"...it was sharing a parking lot with a Taco Bell, right next to a gas station/car wash. Not the cleanest store we'd visited, not what we were really expecting, but what we wanted.  It was really windy! Dust flies everywhere over there.

We'd hoped for a "small town" feeling, and friendly people. That's what Idaho Falls, ID is.

Our hotel was across the street from this. I had a vague idea what that white building really was, or what it meant to this town...

I remember eating Mother's Day dinner at Outback Steakhouse, since it was Mother's Day, I was gifted a flower. We checked into a much nicer motel, across from the "falls" on the greenbelt. Neither of us felt very good, and I think we ended up taking a nap. The higher altitude really does a number on a person!  We're talking 4,700 ft. above sea level, and we were about 300 at hilltop Oregon City, If that! 

So, the next morning, I take my husband "to work" and meet his potential boss. Interesting.
The rest of the day, I looked around town, and drove around neighborhoods looking at houses.  I spoke to a realtor about possibly moving into the area, and he was going to get us some homes to look at if we were to come back. Great! Off to a good start at least!

Well, this is what he wants. He knows he can do well here, and after returning home from our "trip", he received the call that he was hired.

Good thing we had a trailer house! We packed it up, drove to Idaho Falls, and stayed at a KOA with our boys while looking for a place to live.

What a phenomenal time in our lives this was~

Springtime changes

Talking about birthdays, we celebrate a few in our family during the spring. 


Throwing Mother's day into that mix, I get my birthday, which feels special to me, but not much gets done in the way of celebrating unless my friends do something for me. 


Then, my baby girl celebrates her birthday, 13 days after mine...and most likely, Mother's day is just before or just after her birthday.


This year, she has her birthday on the actual day she was born...Saturday May 12th, the day before Mother's day. 


Every spring, as the blooms come out on the trees and shrubs, I remember my Grandma Mary's front yard. Since Kindergarten, (with paper crown on head) I got my picture taken in front of her Hot Pink Azalea bush with her, until I was 18!


I don't know if I even have most of the photos, as I wasn't given all of the things I asked for when my parents passed away, so who knows what happened to all of my pictures. Maybe burned, from what I read elsewhere. (suzanneshumaker.blogspot.com)


There were years I hated getting my picture taken with my grandma. I was pubescent and thought I was so over getting my birthday picture taken, I hated my hair, I hated what my mother made me wear, white knee socks were so not the thing to wear at 12 when you couldn't shave your legs or wear nylons!

My Grandma Mary Young Eells (1920-2001)

 and me on my 12th birthday

So now, as my daughter turns the ages that I was when I had these feelings, it sheds some light on her clothing choices, how she wears her hair, and I SOOOO learned from MY mother that its not the hair or the clothes that make the person.

My daughter almost 11 years old, just got her new hairdo, 

in an outfit she picked out

 Although I had to wear those handmade dresses, (which  I was allowed to picked the fabrics and patterns; mostly) but I know if my daughter doesn't wear what I prefer,  she's probably going to be a bit more confident, self-respecting, and mother loving person than I was.
It's called "choosing your battles". I'm all over choosing to have a happy, confident daughter that likes me, than a rebellious daughter that doesn't want to be in the same room with me. 


I don't believe it's spoiling her, I believe it's letting her be who she is, and not conforming to what my friend's daughters do/wear/act like, etc. --which was exactly the upbringing I had. To "show" what kind of a mom my mother was to me. (I assume)


So, as I celebrate my daughter heading into pre-teenage years, I remember those awkward years growing up the way I did, and the devastation of white knee socks and homemade dresses, Lord help me to not make my daughter a dress such as that and let her wear what she chooses on her feet. In Jesus name <3

"It's going down NOW!"

I am not using names, so the "wording" won't be exactly what was said, but you'll get the idea of what I mean they were saying.

She stopped me before I could get into the truck to drive home.
"How come you're spending all your time with your mother in law and sister in law?"

How do you answer that?  I couldn't very well say, "Because my husband likes them more?"
That would just be too offensive.  Frankly, I was a bit offended that she'd come right out and ask me that.  I just shrugged, and said I didn't know.

She stood there with that disappointing frown she always got when she didn't like something I said. I was utterly shaking inside. My hands felt kind of cold and sweaty. I was just terrified we were having this conversation outside the Oregon City Swimming Pool on the sidewalk!

"Going to church used to be important to you." She stated.

"Well, It's not anymore." which wasn't totally the truth. Learning about God, Jesus and their plan for me and my family was more important that going to sing 10 songs, and play on the stairs afterwards while talking about Disneyland and the upcoming parties.

"Things have changed, we don't feel like we used to." I tried to explain. "Why don't you come up and we can talk, this isn't the place to have this conversation." I walked toward the truck, and she to her car. I immediately reached for my cell phone and dialed my husband at work. Trying to hide it so she couldn't see I was calling him. This was a quick 3 minute drive, at best, from the swimming pool to our house.

"It's going down....NOW...you need to come home. NOW!!" I was still shaking, he hung up, maybe some words were exchanged, but he knew exactly what I was talking about. He was on his way.



The drive seemed shorter than I thought it would be, I had just barely hung up (Yes, in 1999, I drove a truck and talked on the phone!) and pulled into the driveway. She was right behind me. I went into the house, pretending not to see she was already there, getting out of her car.

My sister in law and mother in law were in my house already, all I remember is walking straight in the house, they were on the couch, and I went into the  hall bathroom.  I turned to go out of the bathroom, and I whispered to my sister in law, as she was heading into the bathroom, "It's going down. She wants to know why we don't go to church anymore, I called my husband, he's on his way!!" and she took the kids with my mother in law and they went to the park or somewhere so we could talk alone.

My mother was RIGHT there, behind me, I think she could've heard me whispering to my sister in law, but she followed me out to the living room, and my sister in law and mother in law were already on their way to the car with the boys.

"Let's sit down." I sat in the rocking chair, she sat on the couch. I didn't know where to start other than, "Going to church used to be important to me, but not anymore."
She didn't like that.
"I don't think we'll be going back." I think is what I mentioned.

To my relief, my husband walked through the front door.

"You called him!?" she screamed, "and didn't let me call dad!?" she started to cry I think.

The next little bit is what I THINK happened, as I'm still kind of shaking 13 years later, typing this, I can't quote exact words here.

"Hi, How's it goin'?" my husband asked her.

"Yes, I called him on my way home from the pool. I thought he needed to be able to tell you what you wanted to know." I tried to stay calm. "Would you like to call dad?"
So she did.  She told him she was at my house, and my husband was there and could he come up?


How awkward was this. I'm sure there was conversation, but I honestly don't remember it.

So, just a bit later, (they were maybe 15 min. from our house driving the back way) my dad walked through our front door. "What's all this about?" I think he said.

I think my husband started out by saying, "We don't plan on going out to church anymore." and my dad said, "Well, that's a great birthday gift!" but not in a happy way, "I figured this was coming." He added.

This was not the reaction I thought he'd have...I was thinking to myself....Really?! What made you think that? No church attendance in over 3 months? Wow, you catch on fast!
Maybe they put off talking to us so long the same reason we put off talking to them so long...we didn't want this to be over, and we knew that's what was going to happen.

"Well, where do we stand with the boys?" he asked.

"They're your grandchildren!" I said loudly, "That doesn't change anything. You're still their papa and gram."

"I will do whatever it takes to ensure you have a relationship with my kids." my husband assured him and my mom.

They needed some time to think this over. "How about we think about this, and we'll get back to you next week?" my dad asked.

Hmm. I think there's hope after all! IF they're not completely decided on walking out of here now, forever, I'm sure they won't totally disown us forever! Well, I was a bit too hopeful that we could search for a different church, (while we still lived there) and my kids could see their gram and papa on occasion, just not at church. Nothing should change...

"We won't say anything to anyone about this, we'll think about it, and meet with you again to discuss our decision." he said.  They left, and then...

Someone said something to someone else, because that evening, we started getting phone calls from people. My aunts, my cousins, I can't keep track who called.

A few calls stood out to me, because I barely knew them.  Weird, I thought...since no one was supposed to know our conversation was had.

That was a hard few days. We had a garage sale, and it was awkward that people came from church, but they must not have known we "left". There was a lady in a group of women that stood at the edge of my driveway while her girlfriends came into the garage and "shopped". She apparently knew we "left" so she wasn't going to set foot in our garage, but one woman bought a pair of toddler shoes for her grandson.
The conversation on the way back to their car was about how we left church.

Lots of stuff happened, lots of conversations, one or two visits from friends over this week...but let's get to the "going down" part.



{in the spongebob cartoon overvoice on TV}
                                                                             "One week later..."


We agreed to meet with my parents, and they came over to our house. My mom had a card in her hand.

"Happy belated birthday." She handed me a card.

"Oh. Thanks." I said.  She hugged me, we all sat down. The boys went to play in their room.

"Well," my dad started out, "We thought about it, and we feel that as long as you don't go out there, then we're not going to come around, and vice versa."
[Or something to that effect...those may not be his exact words, but we got the picture that they were saying we choose not to be in your lives anymore because you won't go sing 10 songs in that building.]

"Ok then," [or something like that] was said by my husband.

"Can we tell the kids?" my dad asked.

I can't remember what happened, or what was said next, but I do remember the look on my husband's face, and the tone in his voice, when he told them "No!"

Some words were exchanged, honestly, I can't remember exactly, but my parents got up off the couch and went out the door, saying they loved us.

huh.

I thought love was different than a condition of attending a meeting where 10 songs were sung and "doing" all these things for the glory of man.

OK, I guess I had some adjusting of thoughts to do about love.

I opened my birthday card, and found $40.
We took his mom and sister in law to Chevy's for lunch...a belated birthday lunch of course, but on my mom and dad's dime.