My last Thursday night....

I went solo...again...with my two boys.

Things didn't look the same as we pulled into the parking lot, and entered the vestibule of the building. Not that they'd changed things up, since the remodel, but I saw people and situations in a different way.  It was hard to explain, but it wasn't what I'd hope to see.

After the meaningless conversations, singing the 10 songs, and some playtime for the boys, [shorter than had been in the past], I took the boys home and sat down to converse with my husband about the evening, how his day was, etc. 

I couldn't contain the tears. 

"Please..." I cried..."Don't make me go back there..." as I shook my head in disbelief that it had taken so long for me to see our future wasn't there. 

It wasn't in the 10 songs. 

It wasn't in the playtime.

It wasn't in the conversations about our vacations.

Where was our future? This I was unsure of. But I KNEW it wasn't there. 

God opened my eyes to what "this" I'd been fighting so hard for, and struggling so much with actually was. It was not a life for our children. It was not salvation for me or my husband.  I really wasn't sure what "it" was...gathering myself together with people that had no clue of the reality of what we needed.

From that night on, we discussed what we'd do with our lives, our home, our children, our job(s)... and it didn't include driving to the "Followers of Christ" building in Oregon City and singing songs of joy, hope, peace and love...and not receiving that, or fully comprehending what those even were.

After the tears subsided, I suggested to my husband that he take his boss up on the offer of going into management with his company.

He was celebrating his 7th year with the company, and after about the first couple years, his boss had encouraged him to try to go further. Go into management, starting with an assistant manager position. 

The answer was always, "No, it's not a good fit for my family" or something along those lines, as we had our "family" and our "church" and we couldn't leave that!

Well, once we'd both discovered what we'd be "leaving" management seemed more like a better fit for our family than we'd realized.

What excitement entered our lives when his boss was told we were ready to make that move.  We had no idea the blessings God had in store for us...