Springtime changes

Talking about birthdays, we celebrate a few in our family during the spring. 


Throwing Mother's day into that mix, I get my birthday, which feels special to me, but not much gets done in the way of celebrating unless my friends do something for me. 


Then, my baby girl celebrates her birthday, 13 days after mine...and most likely, Mother's day is just before or just after her birthday.


This year, she has her birthday on the actual day she was born...Saturday May 12th, the day before Mother's day. 


Every spring, as the blooms come out on the trees and shrubs, I remember my Grandma Mary's front yard. Since Kindergarten, (with paper crown on head) I got my picture taken in front of her Hot Pink Azalea bush with her, until I was 18!


I don't know if I even have most of the photos, as I wasn't given all of the things I asked for when my parents passed away, so who knows what happened to all of my pictures. Maybe burned, from what I read elsewhere. (suzanneshumaker.blogspot.com)


There were years I hated getting my picture taken with my grandma. I was pubescent and thought I was so over getting my birthday picture taken, I hated my hair, I hated what my mother made me wear, white knee socks were so not the thing to wear at 12 when you couldn't shave your legs or wear nylons!

My Grandma Mary Young Eells (1920-2001)

 and me on my 12th birthday

So now, as my daughter turns the ages that I was when I had these feelings, it sheds some light on her clothing choices, how she wears her hair, and I SOOOO learned from MY mother that its not the hair or the clothes that make the person.

My daughter almost 11 years old, just got her new hairdo, 

in an outfit she picked out

 Although I had to wear those handmade dresses, (which  I was allowed to picked the fabrics and patterns; mostly) but I know if my daughter doesn't wear what I prefer,  she's probably going to be a bit more confident, self-respecting, and mother loving person than I was.
It's called "choosing your battles". I'm all over choosing to have a happy, confident daughter that likes me, than a rebellious daughter that doesn't want to be in the same room with me. 


I don't believe it's spoiling her, I believe it's letting her be who she is, and not conforming to what my friend's daughters do/wear/act like, etc. --which was exactly the upbringing I had. To "show" what kind of a mom my mother was to me. (I assume)


So, as I celebrate my daughter heading into pre-teenage years, I remember those awkward years growing up the way I did, and the devastation of white knee socks and homemade dresses, Lord help me to not make my daughter a dress such as that and let her wear what she chooses on her feet. In Jesus name <3

"It's going down NOW!"

I am not using names, so the "wording" won't be exactly what was said, but you'll get the idea of what I mean they were saying.

She stopped me before I could get into the truck to drive home.
"How come you're spending all your time with your mother in law and sister in law?"

How do you answer that?  I couldn't very well say, "Because my husband likes them more?"
That would just be too offensive.  Frankly, I was a bit offended that she'd come right out and ask me that.  I just shrugged, and said I didn't know.

She stood there with that disappointing frown she always got when she didn't like something I said. I was utterly shaking inside. My hands felt kind of cold and sweaty. I was just terrified we were having this conversation outside the Oregon City Swimming Pool on the sidewalk!

"Going to church used to be important to you." She stated.

"Well, It's not anymore." which wasn't totally the truth. Learning about God, Jesus and their plan for me and my family was more important that going to sing 10 songs, and play on the stairs afterwards while talking about Disneyland and the upcoming parties.

"Things have changed, we don't feel like we used to." I tried to explain. "Why don't you come up and we can talk, this isn't the place to have this conversation." I walked toward the truck, and she to her car. I immediately reached for my cell phone and dialed my husband at work. Trying to hide it so she couldn't see I was calling him. This was a quick 3 minute drive, at best, from the swimming pool to our house.

"It's going down....NOW...you need to come home. NOW!!" I was still shaking, he hung up, maybe some words were exchanged, but he knew exactly what I was talking about. He was on his way.



The drive seemed shorter than I thought it would be, I had just barely hung up (Yes, in 1999, I drove a truck and talked on the phone!) and pulled into the driveway. She was right behind me. I went into the house, pretending not to see she was already there, getting out of her car.

My sister in law and mother in law were in my house already, all I remember is walking straight in the house, they were on the couch, and I went into the  hall bathroom.  I turned to go out of the bathroom, and I whispered to my sister in law, as she was heading into the bathroom, "It's going down. She wants to know why we don't go to church anymore, I called my husband, he's on his way!!" and she took the kids with my mother in law and they went to the park or somewhere so we could talk alone.

My mother was RIGHT there, behind me, I think she could've heard me whispering to my sister in law, but she followed me out to the living room, and my sister in law and mother in law were already on their way to the car with the boys.

"Let's sit down." I sat in the rocking chair, she sat on the couch. I didn't know where to start other than, "Going to church used to be important to me, but not anymore."
She didn't like that.
"I don't think we'll be going back." I think is what I mentioned.

To my relief, my husband walked through the front door.

"You called him!?" she screamed, "and didn't let me call dad!?" she started to cry I think.

The next little bit is what I THINK happened, as I'm still kind of shaking 13 years later, typing this, I can't quote exact words here.

"Hi, How's it goin'?" my husband asked her.

"Yes, I called him on my way home from the pool. I thought he needed to be able to tell you what you wanted to know." I tried to stay calm. "Would you like to call dad?"
So she did.  She told him she was at my house, and my husband was there and could he come up?


How awkward was this. I'm sure there was conversation, but I honestly don't remember it.

So, just a bit later, (they were maybe 15 min. from our house driving the back way) my dad walked through our front door. "What's all this about?" I think he said.

I think my husband started out by saying, "We don't plan on going out to church anymore." and my dad said, "Well, that's a great birthday gift!" but not in a happy way, "I figured this was coming." He added.

This was not the reaction I thought he'd have...I was thinking to myself....Really?! What made you think that? No church attendance in over 3 months? Wow, you catch on fast!
Maybe they put off talking to us so long the same reason we put off talking to them so long...we didn't want this to be over, and we knew that's what was going to happen.

"Well, where do we stand with the boys?" he asked.

"They're your grandchildren!" I said loudly, "That doesn't change anything. You're still their papa and gram."

"I will do whatever it takes to ensure you have a relationship with my kids." my husband assured him and my mom.

They needed some time to think this over. "How about we think about this, and we'll get back to you next week?" my dad asked.

Hmm. I think there's hope after all! IF they're not completely decided on walking out of here now, forever, I'm sure they won't totally disown us forever! Well, I was a bit too hopeful that we could search for a different church, (while we still lived there) and my kids could see their gram and papa on occasion, just not at church. Nothing should change...

"We won't say anything to anyone about this, we'll think about it, and meet with you again to discuss our decision." he said.  They left, and then...

Someone said something to someone else, because that evening, we started getting phone calls from people. My aunts, my cousins, I can't keep track who called.

A few calls stood out to me, because I barely knew them.  Weird, I thought...since no one was supposed to know our conversation was had.

That was a hard few days. We had a garage sale, and it was awkward that people came from church, but they must not have known we "left". There was a lady in a group of women that stood at the edge of my driveway while her girlfriends came into the garage and "shopped". She apparently knew we "left" so she wasn't going to set foot in our garage, but one woman bought a pair of toddler shoes for her grandson.
The conversation on the way back to their car was about how we left church.

Lots of stuff happened, lots of conversations, one or two visits from friends over this week...but let's get to the "going down" part.



{in the spongebob cartoon overvoice on TV}
                                                                             "One week later..."


We agreed to meet with my parents, and they came over to our house. My mom had a card in her hand.

"Happy belated birthday." She handed me a card.

"Oh. Thanks." I said.  She hugged me, we all sat down. The boys went to play in their room.

"Well," my dad started out, "We thought about it, and we feel that as long as you don't go out there, then we're not going to come around, and vice versa."
[Or something to that effect...those may not be his exact words, but we got the picture that they were saying we choose not to be in your lives anymore because you won't go sing 10 songs in that building.]

"Ok then," [or something like that] was said by my husband.

"Can we tell the kids?" my dad asked.

I can't remember what happened, or what was said next, but I do remember the look on my husband's face, and the tone in his voice, when he told them "No!"

Some words were exchanged, honestly, I can't remember exactly, but my parents got up off the couch and went out the door, saying they loved us.

huh.

I thought love was different than a condition of attending a meeting where 10 songs were sung and "doing" all these things for the glory of man.

OK, I guess I had some adjusting of thoughts to do about love.

I opened my birthday card, and found $40.
We took his mom and sister in law to Chevy's for lunch...a belated birthday lunch of course, but on my mom and dad's dime.

The big year of events

April 1999

This is the year I turn 25. I've just been convinced that our future wasn't where I'd always thought it was. 

This year was a milestone in our family...seems every five year birthday is a big deal for my mom. 

She was a partier, she loved to have luncheons, parties, and recognize her daughters especially. As you can gather from where I'm going with this, our relationship was a bit weathered by this point. I was spending more time with my mother in law and sister in law than I was my own mother and sisters. 

We had planned a trip to Disneyland, like many families do in the spring and summertime, where we lived. It was a trip with my husband's brother and wife, and their two children. We were excited, it was our first trip with our boys. My husband and I had been there as kids.

Among our excitement, a death of a family member's friend's father had occurred. This, putting his funeral falling on my birthday, and our trip to Disneyland happening the next day...

Needless to say, my "25th" birthday bash at my mom's house was postponed for the loss of this man in our church, and our trip to CA. We talked about holding this celebration until after we got back.

Well, days go by fast!

Mother's day is shortly after my birthday, as I believe we were driving back from CA during that day. Needless to say, I didn't spend it with my mom, or my husband's mom. I'm not sure what happened after we returned, but life filled with work schedules, swimming lessons, etc. took place of the birthday party.

A few months go by, less contact with my family, more with my husband's family. 

I remember a conversation in July with my oldest sister at a Thursday night meeting, where she asked me (while my boys were "playing") what we should plan for my mom's birthday. She would turn 50 this year. A HUGE milestone in my family's life.

I mentioned speaking to my sister at "church".

Yes, I asked to not go back.

Yes, I know our future wasn't there.

I needed to know for sure-just this one last time...

I went once more after I'd cried for my husband to never make me go back. 

He didn't care how long I went, but my sister in law did. 

She was furious that I went again that night, but the outcome of what I experienced at that meeting was a definite answer to our attendance any further!

My answer to my sister about planning my mom's 50th birthday party was, 

"Go ahead, I'm not really into planning anything birthday related." 

or something to the fact of 

"You want ME to plan a birthday party? It's freaking July for crying out loud!" 

So you can see the hesitation in my attitude. The way I was raised, you "do unto others" and no one had planned a party for me...why should I plan one for anyone else? 

Now, I can see what a poor attitude I had! Thank you Jesus for taking that from me!

Never went back to the Thursday night meetings.

August 4th rolls around! Wow...several months, still no birthday recognition for my milestone that everyone else made a bigger deal out of than me. Well, it happens to be my dad's birthday today...August 4. Not sure what age, but not a "milestone age".  One we'll always remember, but not milestone age.

Swimming lessons that morning. 

My nephew had them the same time as my son, so we were all gathered at the Oregon City Swimming pool. Since my mother hadn't been very present in our lives, I think had invited her to come watch the boys at swimming lessons, forgetting it was my dad's birthday. She obliged, and showed up to greet us at the curb.

I think she felt awkward there with my mother in law, sister in law, and myself. Like she didn't fit in. That was her body language she was portraying. She really didn't have a fondness for my husband's family. She put on a good show, but she didn't have to say that she'd rather not affiliate with them.

As we headed back to the truck afterwards, my sons rode with my mother in law and their cousin as we had planned to meet up the hill at my house afterwards.

My mom stopped me, as I'd been trying to ignore this conversation was coming...I couldn't get away from it...

My last Thursday night....

I went solo...again...with my two boys.

Things didn't look the same as we pulled into the parking lot, and entered the vestibule of the building. Not that they'd changed things up, since the remodel, but I saw people and situations in a different way.  It was hard to explain, but it wasn't what I'd hope to see.

After the meaningless conversations, singing the 10 songs, and some playtime for the boys, [shorter than had been in the past], I took the boys home and sat down to converse with my husband about the evening, how his day was, etc. 

I couldn't contain the tears. 

"Please..." I cried..."Don't make me go back there..." as I shook my head in disbelief that it had taken so long for me to see our future wasn't there. 

It wasn't in the 10 songs. 

It wasn't in the playtime.

It wasn't in the conversations about our vacations.

Where was our future? This I was unsure of. But I KNEW it wasn't there. 

God opened my eyes to what "this" I'd been fighting so hard for, and struggling so much with actually was. It was not a life for our children. It was not salvation for me or my husband.  I really wasn't sure what "it" was...gathering myself together with people that had no clue of the reality of what we needed.

From that night on, we discussed what we'd do with our lives, our home, our children, our job(s)... and it didn't include driving to the "Followers of Christ" building in Oregon City and singing songs of joy, hope, peace and love...and not receiving that, or fully comprehending what those even were.

After the tears subsided, I suggested to my husband that he take his boss up on the offer of going into management with his company.

He was celebrating his 7th year with the company, and after about the first couple years, his boss had encouraged him to try to go further. Go into management, starting with an assistant manager position. 

The answer was always, "No, it's not a good fit for my family" or something along those lines, as we had our "family" and our "church" and we couldn't leave that!

Well, once we'd both discovered what we'd be "leaving" management seemed more like a better fit for our family than we'd realized.

What excitement entered our lives when his boss was told we were ready to make that move.  We had no idea the blessings God had in store for us...

The discussion that started it all...

Getting back to the Blog topic, what "started" the "end" of our relationship with most everyone we knew our whole lives...

For several months, I'd noticed the "late night" work ethic my husband had. It was necessarily bad or really late at night, but late enough that he'd get home too late to attend meeting on Thursday nights.  The boys and I was just about to leave, or he'd get home after we were already at church. I'm assuming, with what I know now, he probably didn't want me to throw a fit of why he wasn't going.

Let's fast forward...we've had our two boys, questioning, and being questioned about our actions and beliefs, and now, it's April of 1999. 

I remember coming home from our meeting on Thursday night. We'd went, sat on a bench with other mothers and children that had husbands working or sick, whatever reason, but we sang our 10 songs, as tradition would have it, and let the kids play afterward for a few minutes [although sometimes it was more like 15 or 20]...then, I took the boys back home and was greeted by my husband. He'd got home from work and was awaiting our arrival.

I was trying not to be so angry, and I sat down...and bluntly asked him, "Why do you work so long on Thursday nights?" He smiled.  I continued to ask in search of an answer I really already knew, but was hoping I could convince him otherwise.

"You work so you don't have to go to church." I stated.

"Why do you go to church?" He asked.

Wow.    I had never been asked that before.    I was contemplating...   Was it to receive instruction from the Word of God?   no   Was it to learn biblical principles?   no   Hmmm... I was thinking, "What drives me to go each week, twice a week?" 

I surely didn't like excusing myself from going. It was easier to go, show up, sing, play, and go home. 

OH! I know why I go!

"So my mom doesn't call on Friday or Monday morning to ask if we're sick, or why we didn't go."

Did I just hear myself right?

I go to "church" to keep from having to answer to my mom.

Whoa.

What was I thinking? Is that really the reason? So, now I knew why he didn't like going...feeling like he had to defend his beliefs to people that didn't want to hear what he had to say, and being spoke wrongly about by people he didn't even know. [I had to point some people out, and even explain who people were to him at times.]  Yes, he'd grown up there, but didn't have the people skills that I had apparently.

Then, it dawned on me, who was I supposed to answer to? Who had I been trying to follow? Man? [or in this case, a woman...my mom] or was I trying to Follow Christ? hmm.

I go to "Followers of Christ church" am I following Christ? 

HOW can someone follow Christ? I sure had some praying to do, and some figuring out what God was trying to say to me. 

And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. Matthew 19:28 KJV

If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour. John 12:26 KJV

among other verses in the bible, these stick out to me. If I am a follower of Christ, I will serve him, by following him, and in turn, will be rewarded.

proud parent moment(s) & Grace

This past week, I was incredibly blessed with my husband's mother spending time in our home with me and my children. My husband took our oldest son on a college visitation trip during his spring break from Wednesday to Saturday. When they arrived back home, at 1am Sunday morning, we all got some rest for one of the biggest events in our family.

My oldest son, Lucas, earned his Eagle Scout badge from Boy Scouts of America. We celebrated his achievement with his Eagle Court of Honor on Sunday along with some family, his troop members, and some friends from a bit further away. It was such a joyful occasion!

The ceremony was full of smiles, laughter and even a few tears.

Precious time with our friends and family that we'll never forget. After the cake had been eaten, and the soda had been drunk, we packed up all of the stars and scouting memorabilia, and headed home for a sweet visit with an out of town friend and my husband's oldest brother.

It's good to have family around. Family is a vital part of our lives. I have, over the years, adopted family members into my family (figuratively) and been adopted into a few families of my own...the biggest one, being God's family. I am more than happy to share my testimony of God, His son, (Him in the flesh), and the Holy Spirit that dwells in me with anyone who would hear, see, or believe.

This is a joyous time for our family, praying for what lies ahead for our son(s) & daughter, hoping for God's Grace and Mercy to be lavished on them as they grow in the Lord.

Please pray for our family, that we can SEE God's Mercies and Graciousness in our daily lives, sharing them through the fiery trials, temptations and tribulations we face as believers in Christ Jesus. My prayer for you is that if you DON'T know Jesus for who He is, what He did/does for us, that you please open a Bible, read it, pray for your eyes to be opened and your heart to receive God's Grace as he wipes your sins away...or, contact me shumag6@gmail.com

Easter in a new light

Growing up, Easter to me was new dresses, new shoes, maybe a hat, gloves, and a purse...plus dying eggs, bunnies, egg hunts, candy, prizes, being with family and a big potluck.

It wasn't until Easter of 2000 did I understand what Easter meant to many.

Our first church service outside of Oregon City was at a church in Gladstone just before spring to see where we'd like to attend on that special church day. I had to take my children to church on Easter. We left what we grew up with, for hope of finding Jesus Christ.

"He is Risen" was being sung by the choir. Huh...yeah, he isn't dead, I knew that much.

Wow...what a celebration. These people loved Jesus...

Ever since that service, Jesus has been our reason to celebrate this special day.  We celebrate His resurrection and sacrifice He made because of our sin and the salvation He gives freely to those who accept.

We have dyed eggs, we have had egg hunts, but we have not allowed the Easter bunny into our home for over 10 years. We try to bring Jesus into each celebration we have. I give my children chocolate crosses and remind them that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross, defeated death, rose on the third day, like He promised...and lives...seated at the right hand of Our father in Heaven

This year, we didn't dye eggs nor have we hunted them...but it's not a religious reason...just too busy! It's not important to us as the kids grow. We dressed up (4 of us anyway), with one child sick home with daddy, I took three kids to church, had breakfast with friends and heard a wonderful sermon about Jesus.

For lunch, my daughter and I made resurrection rolls that were hollow inside just like Jesus' tomb.

Enjoy this resurrection day, even if you dye eggs and hunt them...remember Jesus tomb is empty and He is risen!!