Celebrating and Remembering

A Draft I found…unpublished. 

We’ve been “celebrating” and also “remembering” as December 2021 comes to a close. What’s a better time to publish this blog post than now?

God has done amazing things in our lives since I wrote this, back in 2018. 

We are now grandparents to the most adorable and smart little boy.

We have 2 adult kids living in our home for the next 2 weeks. 

Our first born daughter is leaving home (again) in 15 days for a pursuit of something she’s passionate about. 

Our baby is now 18 and graduating high school this spring and  heading to college in August. 

How can this be?

God.

He is the Author and Finisher….of our faith, but more so our lives.

Read on to see what I’m talking about…

August is a pretty monumental month for me and my husband. Way back in 1999, our lives changed forever, and it seems like as we progress through the journey of life, more and more is remembered and celebrated.
Both of my parents, and my maternal grandmother celebrated their birthday's in August, as well as my parent's wedding anniversary, so while I was growing up, August was a fun month for us.

Then, my first nephew was born in August of 1985, the year I went to 6th grade. More celebrations! Sometimes, they were all combined, as our family grew.

August, back in the year 2017, marked a 5 year anniversary of my husband's promotion to Meridian, Idaho. Our family moved back to Idaho after 10 years of living and making memories in the state of Washington. When we first moved to WA, in 2002, I was convinced it would be a 2 year stint of employment and we'd come back, and continue on.

Boy did God have other plans!

I'm glad my husband has allowed God to guide him through the Holy Spirit, as to what He had planned for him and our family. It wasn't easy, for sure! Especially when my plans didn't align with His!

I love looking back with thanksgiving to God for His wisdom in our life and leading the way, even though it wasn't always comfortable...He was always with us, and promises always to be with us and never forsake us.

So why is the future scary to so many? I was terrified several times, and that's when I realized my eyes weren't fixed on Jesus. It isn't easy to trust and obey, is it?

A Whole 'Nother Season

I really need to figure out how to blog more than once a year...
I think writing an article for the TODAY Show Parenting Team sparked my enthusiasm in writing again. Realizing, it's been practically a year since my last blog post where I shared it was a new season and "on with the new"...and guess what...

It's a new season in our party of six! Levi has just graduated High School! Talk about an adjustment to the family dynamics! How did I get to have 2 adult children?? I'm supposed to be preparing for MY high school graduation! It seems like it anyways...

We are upon some BiG changes in the coming months. With Levi graduating, Lucas finishing up an internship at Georgia Pacific, and the sale of our home, we are anticipating a move to a bigger house with a second bathroom! Yay for not waiting in line for the shower!
Hopefully I don't wait a year to write about that!

Since the last post, several things have been celebrated in our party of six.
Summer of '15 was fast and fun.

Alton and Donna with their 5 children

Mark, Karin, Chad, Stephen & Suzanne

We had a celebration for Mark, Stephen's brother, who turned 50 in July. That was a nice reunion of all the siblings. It's been a long time since they were all together.

As Levi entered his Senior year, Chloe started High school, & Clay began middle school

Both Chloe and Clay became athletes, enjoying several sports throughout the year. Chloe started Freshman Volleyball, as I became a mother to a Football player. Levi excelled *and Lettered in Speech and Debate. His team also went to districts! Levi continued working for Les Schwab, so he and his girlfriend Crystal could afford to attend his Senior Prom! (I'm still coming to grips with that) 

Clay began wrestling for Lone Star Middle school in the late fall  and Chloe took the winter off to prepare for Softball with Nampa High. (Meaning she went to "practice/workouts" all winter long.) She continued playing her violin until her last performance in May of this year. She has no desire to continue being transported to another school to stay in Orchestra class.  

With a trip to OR for Christmas, we got to see and visit with family, and catch up with Lucas who relocated to Oregon State just after I posted the last blog...He had been staying with Grampa and Grandma until winter term, in which he started working for Georgia Pacific on the OR Coast. We moved him into his first apartment in December, and he will be there through the summer! By then, he'll get to come "home" to help us move and then start back up at OSU in the fall. This kid. I can't keep up! So proud of his accomplishments through the last year.  He has been training for  and will be running his first marathon next weekend, and we get to go cheer him on! 

Our family Christmas dinner at Grampa and Grandma's 

This winter, Chloe finished Driver's Ed and got her learner's permit! She LOVES driving, and is probably the best of the kids so far that we've taught to drive. 

She takes a LOT of pleasure in driving me around!

I started a part-time job at a substitute for our school district. It is so rewarding and challenges me every week! I love teaching, as I always have (even since I was 8 years old) and I don't have to plan a thing! I just get to show up, make kids smile and have fun! 

I'm continuing to lead a pre-school group at Bible Study Fellowship as well. I'm so grateful to get to bring my great-nephew with me each week. He loves his "class" and his "teachers" and I catch him singing hymns in the backseat. 

As Chloe rounded the bases and slid into home plate, their team had more wins this year than the coaches have had in the last 5 years! Go Dawgs! She has found a sport she really, really, really likes!

Clay ran track and field with his classmates at Lone Star, and blew me away with his determination and persistence in improving his time every meet! It is STILL beyond me why someone likes to Run...for fun! No thank you!

Steve still loves the store he's at, as he celebrates his 5th summer there this year! I can't believe it's been that long, and it seems like it's been a lifetime. Time is a crazy thing...I'm just glad God is in control. 

So, now with that year in a quick re-cap, you know how to better pray for us!

We're extremely thankful for all that God is doing and the blessings we receive from him everyday!

A new season coming

Well, It's June of 2015 and BOY have things changed.

So, on with the New, and all Praise and Glory belong to our Lord Jesus Christ for the blessings and provisions that He's given us over this time.

Welcome back to Our Party of Six!

The photo above was taken on Mother's day this year. I was blessed to have all of my kiddos home with me, and we went on a picnic/hike in the Owyhee hills near Wilson Creek Horse refuge.

I've always just wanted to stop along the side of the road and "climb that mountain". After sharing that thought with my incredibly outdoorsy husband, he's helped me learn hiking techniques and ways to last over a longer period of time, while showing my my limits for sure.

This hike was super fun, on the way IN to wherever we were going. There really wasn't a destination, we just followed a trail and kept on going until we realized we had to go back all the way we went in, so we decided to turn around.  That's when things got tough. I hadn't realized it was downhill the whole way in...until we started back. It was a sandy trail, much like walking on the beach.

By the time we reached the car, my husband told me how far we'd gone. It was way farther than I imagined, but it felt like more than the distance that he'd recorded. My husband hiked with me,  as the four kids ran off ahead of us. He was encouraging me all the way, telling me I could do it, and cheering for each stride. He's so supportive of me and reaching goals. I wanted to "climb that mountain" (even though we were really in a valley between two mountains). I felt very loved and encouraged to climb any mountain set before me with the way my cheerleader of a husband helped me out of that valley.

That got me thinking about how God is with His children. His word encourages us to keep going when it's hard. He is the one that gives us endurance to finish whatever trail we're on. If I could just remember to FIRST turn to His scriptures and receive what He has for me.

What encouragement to you receive from His word?

12 days shy of a year!?

Looking through my blog that I tried to start, found out that it was February of 2012 that I started writing again. It's been almost a year since I brought home that old typewriter.

Wow. I'll try harder this year...maybe.

I tried writing my testimony from coming out of Oregon City, where God led us, etc. I almost have no interest in continuing this path. I feel it's something not everyone needs to know, probably offensive to some, but I could share if I needed to.  God is working in my life daily, and my testimony changes all the time. Each day is a new beginning...

So...on with the NEW!

Lot's of new things come with February. Melting snow, warmer temperatures, but most prominent is our new life in Idaho.
Again.

Yes, we've moved to Nampa, back into our "rental home" that we originally purchased in 2001, when I was going to "die" here. Meaning I was tired of moving, I wanted to stay in this house, raise our kids and die an old woman, in this house...Back when we had two little boys and a baby girl, we fit perfectly. 

But, that's before we moved up to WA, and were landlords 500 miles away for 10 years...
A TOTALLY other blog post...for some other time...

We moved back in to this house over time.  My husband relocated in August of last year for his job, and the kids and I tied up business/loose ends in WA...finally moving over (minus Lucas) in October.

Lucas finally had enough, finished his first semester, and moved over here in December, and now, we're all together again. With an acceptance letter from a college he'd love to go to...onward to Graduation!

So, where do you begin when you come back home?  

Well, it started by getting the kitchen set up, as it IS the heart of the home, right? Reorganizing all the things my husband had while living here, adding the items we were able to move over, while leaving a few behind for Lucas. 

As of this day, I have my old toaster and microwave back...I'm a happy mama!

Cramming 6 people into a one bathroom home with almost 1900 square feet is a challenge...Organizing the linen closet by color of towel per person, and labeling shelves for each family member is a start to organized chaos!

I've wanted to live in this house for over 10 years, so I'm giving it a go!
Plus, it's a fraction of the house payment we had in WA! Remember that college bill we have coming soon!? Save, Save, Save!

I'm painting, organizing, decorating and "making" my home...
I'm enjoying living closer to my niece, and her son...
I'm figuring out my way around (again) 
Found a wonderful group of ladies at BSF, and didn't miss a class!

It feels good to "be home"... Again...

Until next time...God bless.

Moving to a new town, New state, and New life...

Living in a trailer house at a KOA, with two children, while house hunting in a new town, and a new state, is probably not something everyone gets the chance to experience.  Let me shed a little light on this...

We had packed our trailer house with things we'd need to get by from day to day, and I purchased a few things I found out I'd need that I had left back in OR at our apartment. a) cookie sheet  b) mixing bowl  c) ice cube trays  kind of the essentials for cooking and eating meals in while trying to find a home to relocate to.

My sons played, we did "preschool", read books, took trips to the library, explored our new town, spent a lot of time at parks, and scoping out neighborhoods. 

On one trip to the library, I remember getting a phone call from my mom. She was just checking to see how we were. I let her know we planned to move to Idaho Falls. Her voice was a bit stunned as I told her my husband got a promotion to assistant manager and we were looking for homes and going to go back to OR to pack up and move once we found a place. She didn't like that at all. What did she expect? We'd wait around for them to change their minds in "having to do with us"? I think the reality of "cutting us off" was sinking in and it would be difficult to know we'd made a life without her somewhere else.  She wanted to make sure that I'd call her once we were moving and let her know. I told her I would, and I expected to keep in touch. She'd be able to come see us before we left, if she wanted. The ball was in her court...I hoped to see her one last time.

Our Realtor, that I'd contacted on our previous trip over Mother's day had a few homes lined up for us to view, and I'd done some internet searching for homes that had RV parking, a garage, backyard, etc. so house hunting began. 

We found a home that was just the right size for our family, nice big back yard, next to an elementary school, on the outskirts of town. "I want it." I remember thinking. It was the nicest house I'd seen, that was in our budget.  It was built in 1993, the year we were married, I loved the teal carpet, and white woodwork with oak cabinets and railing leading to the finished basement with plenty of kid room! 

Deal. Finally, upon signing papers, and closing the deal, we'd gotten a few days off to go back to OR and pack up our apartment and storage contents and move on over. I made sure to make a phone call to my parents letting them know they could come tell the boys goodbye. It was final, we were moving, and they didn't want any part of it. No goodbye, nothing. My mom said she thought they were going to the beach that day, so they couldn't come. 

We took my husband's parents with us, his sister in law and her two kids, and started a caravan to Idaho Falls. That was a long trip! It's hard to keep in a caravan with a giant Ryder truck that can't go very fast!

Finally, once we hit Boise, my husband said we could drive on ahead and they'd meet us at the house. We made good time going just under 80 miles per hr. (the speed limit was 75 over there)

We pulled in, the truck pulled in, and I can't even remember if we unpacked much, like beds, and furniture. We may have just slept on the floor for all I know. We were exhausted. Over the next couple of days, my husband's family helped unpack stuff and get us settled. 

Jaycee, Levi, Lucas and Weston in our new front yard in Idaho Falls June 3, 2000

Remembering Memorial Day

We just celebrated Memorial Day, and I have been reflecting on the past, and present celebrations. 


In the past, I have went to the family graveyard, used by the church we grew up in, and placed silk, and fresh flowers on graves. 


My mother, and her mother, would recycle Styrofoam shapes from funerals, and fill them with silk flowers. They'd place them on my grandpa's grave, and then other family members.
My grandma would store them in her big garage and wait for the following year to use the same arrangement, until it got too faded (which was many years of use) and then she'd replace the flowers, or my mother would re-do the arrangement. 


I placed roses or rhododendrons from our yard, or my grandma's yard, on my cousin's grave, my grandpa's grave, aunts and uncles, and some children of our family, or friends that I felt close to. 


There were memories of when those loved ones were alive, we'd visit the graveyard and take pictures. That was about the extent of our "celebration" of that day.


After moving away from OR, and having two more children, when we were in OR on that special weekend, we'd visit the graveyard, and bring flowers from the yard.

Here are my two children born since leaving OR standing in front of my grandparent's grave in 2007          on Memorial Day weekend, on a trip we took to OR from WA

Memorial day wasn't a big patriotic celebration in our family, just a day to remember those we loved that died, a day of decorating graves, and no school.


I'm thankful that is not what my family currently celebrates. Though we can remember loved ones that have passed, it just has a different meaning to us now.


Having three boys participate in Cub Scouts, and later Boy Scouts, Memorial day has had events that take us into our community and to properly observe the meaning of our freedom in the country we live.





This memorial day, as I went to Tahoma National Cemetery with my son and his cub scout pack, we remembered fallen service men, and their wives, fallen service women and their husbands, who were buried in these hallowed grounds. 

This service man had someone put flowers on his grave. This is before the flag was straightened.

The cub scouts went through sections of graves and straightened the flags so they weren't leaning or falling to pay some respect and offer a thank you for those that served our country and are no longer with us.

Clay makes one straight before moving on to the next falling flag.

It was so moving to see these young boys from 1st grade through 4th grade bending over, straightening flags, and honoring the ones that made the sacrifice to defend us.

Clay going down the middle of two rows, making sure the flags are straight.

We found many men that served the same as my husband's father, in the Navy.

We saw many that had their wives pass before them.

All the ones we saw had some respect given to them, and were honored on this precious day.

Many graves are decorated, many are not. 

We value the service these brave men and women and their families gave to our country, and for that, we straighten the American Flag placed at your graveside.       

 {which is only allowed in this cemetery on Memorial Day weekend}

On another day of this weekend, when we honored the ultimate sacrifice, of Jesus Christ dying a sinless death, on the cross, for the sins of the world...

My oldest son was baptized into the death, burial and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Buried in Death, and Risen to walk in the newness of Life...

Where to go from there...

Life looked a little different for me now. When you go to the grocery store, and what feels like the whole city knows you're not participating in a sing along meeting, you are on a bit of a guard.  Or, atleast I was.

I shopped for groceries, we kept with our swimming lessons, we didn't hide in shame because of our choice to stop singing 10 songs and try to find what Christ really meant for us.  But when you enter an aisle in a store, with your shopping cart, and you come face to face with someone that you used to see twice a week, it's uncomfortable to say the least.

I had no problem smiling, and saying, "Hi." I think they did though. IF I caught any one's glimpse, they were usually looking down, or turned their head the other way, as not to "see me". Not so inconspicuous though, they couldn't hide from me, nor was I trying to make myself a spectacle. I'd just as soon not run into any one I knew from there. 

One instance of "not making eye contact" with current "members" was at the Thriftway Post Office {which I know is no longer standing}

My oldest son, -4 years old at the time- and I went to get packing tape and that's the location we went to. There was a gal in line, about 4 people in front of her, maybe two behind her. She was just a year or so older than me, married to a cousin of mine, and she  had tried to convince me to come back to "church" She emailed me that she'd even sit by me if I did.
She knew my son and I were there, I wanted to say Hi, but I knew she didn't. I wasn't about to cause a scene or make her more uncomfortable than she obviously already was!

So, we got our packing supplies and headed to check out, walking directly passed her, without either of us acknowledging each other.
That was strange. Weird, no one else we knew was around, so it wasn't like anyone would have "seen her" or had to "shun her" because she smiled or said hello to us.

I pitied those types of people, and I still feel sorry for them that the way they treat others that "leave" is what they think they're supposed to do.

We had put our house up for sale, (by owner) and within the time we placed an ad in the newspaper, we got an offer. We were walked through the closing of the sale by an acquaintance, and we were moving!

God was watching out for us through this whole process, and we praise him today for this intervention He had in our lives.  Who's house sells in less than a few days? Well, God can make anything possible.

So, we weren't sure when we'd be "going into management" or moving wherever God wanted to put us, so, we bought a trailer house (mostly for our upcoming hunting trip) but we weren't sure if we'd be living in it either!

After our hunting trip, we parked our trailer house at my husband's parent's house and stayed with them until we found an apartment that we could rent until the destination had been chosen.  I think that took a month and a half, maybe two.
We finally settled into our cozy two bedroom apartment, in Milwaukie, waiting. Training, meeting, and waiting for the boss to say go.

Well, it didn't take long, and the boss said GO!

We applied at Redding, CA. Looked at homes, tried to figure out if we'd be making a life there.

No.  Not the right fit for us.

Just a few days after our return, I remember getting a phone call, "East Idaho Falls!" he said with such enthusiasm, I could tell by his voice he was smiling, "750 miles away!"  he wasn't kidding.

"Where?" I asked...in confusion. Idaho was a bit of a dreaded word growing up...I wasn't sure what to think of this.  I got on the computer, and started finding out where he was talking about.

The orange color on the map at the right, is considered Bonneville County. That is where Idaho Falls is located. The red area on the map at the left is where Clackamas County is located, in OR. this store is a long way away.

"There's an opening in East Idaho Falls." He explained. They want us to go tomorrow.
Wow, that was fast.
That was the day before Mother's day!

"OK, I'll start packing." so I packed up a bag for the boys to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a few days, and I packed a change of clothes and work clothes for my husband.

We got on the road, and made it to the OR/ID border. 
{which I later found out Ore~Ida is located there...you know, the frozen potato company?!}
Makes sense now doesn't it?

There was a run-down motel that we found, and decided it was better than falling asleep on the highway.

That Mother's Day morning, we made the trek into Idaho Falls. We arrived by evening, dinner time, and were a bit uneasy feeling. I think it had to do with the altitude. 

We drove into the store parking lot, and thought, "Wow"...it was sharing a parking lot with a Taco Bell, right next to a gas station/car wash. Not the cleanest store we'd visited, not what we were really expecting, but what we wanted.  It was really windy! Dust flies everywhere over there.

We'd hoped for a "small town" feeling, and friendly people. That's what Idaho Falls, ID is.

Our hotel was across the street from this. I had a vague idea what that white building really was, or what it meant to this town...

I remember eating Mother's Day dinner at Outback Steakhouse, since it was Mother's Day, I was gifted a flower. We checked into a much nicer motel, across from the "falls" on the greenbelt. Neither of us felt very good, and I think we ended up taking a nap. The higher altitude really does a number on a person!  We're talking 4,700 ft. above sea level, and we were about 300 at hilltop Oregon City, If that! 

So, the next morning, I take my husband "to work" and meet his potential boss. Interesting.
The rest of the day, I looked around town, and drove around neighborhoods looking at houses.  I spoke to a realtor about possibly moving into the area, and he was going to get us some homes to look at if we were to come back. Great! Off to a good start at least!

Well, this is what he wants. He knows he can do well here, and after returning home from our "trip", he received the call that he was hired.

Good thing we had a trailer house! We packed it up, drove to Idaho Falls, and stayed at a KOA with our boys while looking for a place to live.

What a phenomenal time in our lives this was~

Springtime changes

Talking about birthdays, we celebrate a few in our family during the spring. 


Throwing Mother's day into that mix, I get my birthday, which feels special to me, but not much gets done in the way of celebrating unless my friends do something for me. 


Then, my baby girl celebrates her birthday, 13 days after mine...and most likely, Mother's day is just before or just after her birthday.


This year, she has her birthday on the actual day she was born...Saturday May 12th, the day before Mother's day. 


Every spring, as the blooms come out on the trees and shrubs, I remember my Grandma Mary's front yard. Since Kindergarten, (with paper crown on head) I got my picture taken in front of her Hot Pink Azalea bush with her, until I was 18!


I don't know if I even have most of the photos, as I wasn't given all of the things I asked for when my parents passed away, so who knows what happened to all of my pictures. Maybe burned, from what I read elsewhere. (suzanneshumaker.blogspot.com)


There were years I hated getting my picture taken with my grandma. I was pubescent and thought I was so over getting my birthday picture taken, I hated my hair, I hated what my mother made me wear, white knee socks were so not the thing to wear at 12 when you couldn't shave your legs or wear nylons!

My Grandma Mary Young Eells (1920-2001)

 and me on my 12th birthday

So now, as my daughter turns the ages that I was when I had these feelings, it sheds some light on her clothing choices, how she wears her hair, and I SOOOO learned from MY mother that its not the hair or the clothes that make the person.

My daughter almost 11 years old, just got her new hairdo, 

in an outfit she picked out

 Although I had to wear those handmade dresses, (which  I was allowed to picked the fabrics and patterns; mostly) but I know if my daughter doesn't wear what I prefer,  she's probably going to be a bit more confident, self-respecting, and mother loving person than I was.
It's called "choosing your battles". I'm all over choosing to have a happy, confident daughter that likes me, than a rebellious daughter that doesn't want to be in the same room with me. 


I don't believe it's spoiling her, I believe it's letting her be who she is, and not conforming to what my friend's daughters do/wear/act like, etc. --which was exactly the upbringing I had. To "show" what kind of a mom my mother was to me. (I assume)


So, as I celebrate my daughter heading into pre-teenage years, I remember those awkward years growing up the way I did, and the devastation of white knee socks and homemade dresses, Lord help me to not make my daughter a dress such as that and let her wear what she chooses on her feet. In Jesus name <3

"It's going down NOW!"

I am not using names, so the "wording" won't be exactly what was said, but you'll get the idea of what I mean they were saying.

She stopped me before I could get into the truck to drive home.
"How come you're spending all your time with your mother in law and sister in law?"

How do you answer that?  I couldn't very well say, "Because my husband likes them more?"
That would just be too offensive.  Frankly, I was a bit offended that she'd come right out and ask me that.  I just shrugged, and said I didn't know.

She stood there with that disappointing frown she always got when she didn't like something I said. I was utterly shaking inside. My hands felt kind of cold and sweaty. I was just terrified we were having this conversation outside the Oregon City Swimming Pool on the sidewalk!

"Going to church used to be important to you." She stated.

"Well, It's not anymore." which wasn't totally the truth. Learning about God, Jesus and their plan for me and my family was more important that going to sing 10 songs, and play on the stairs afterwards while talking about Disneyland and the upcoming parties.

"Things have changed, we don't feel like we used to." I tried to explain. "Why don't you come up and we can talk, this isn't the place to have this conversation." I walked toward the truck, and she to her car. I immediately reached for my cell phone and dialed my husband at work. Trying to hide it so she couldn't see I was calling him. This was a quick 3 minute drive, at best, from the swimming pool to our house.

"It's going down....NOW...you need to come home. NOW!!" I was still shaking, he hung up, maybe some words were exchanged, but he knew exactly what I was talking about. He was on his way.



The drive seemed shorter than I thought it would be, I had just barely hung up (Yes, in 1999, I drove a truck and talked on the phone!) and pulled into the driveway. She was right behind me. I went into the house, pretending not to see she was already there, getting out of her car.

My sister in law and mother in law were in my house already, all I remember is walking straight in the house, they were on the couch, and I went into the  hall bathroom.  I turned to go out of the bathroom, and I whispered to my sister in law, as she was heading into the bathroom, "It's going down. She wants to know why we don't go to church anymore, I called my husband, he's on his way!!" and she took the kids with my mother in law and they went to the park or somewhere so we could talk alone.

My mother was RIGHT there, behind me, I think she could've heard me whispering to my sister in law, but she followed me out to the living room, and my sister in law and mother in law were already on their way to the car with the boys.

"Let's sit down." I sat in the rocking chair, she sat on the couch. I didn't know where to start other than, "Going to church used to be important to me, but not anymore."
She didn't like that.
"I don't think we'll be going back." I think is what I mentioned.

To my relief, my husband walked through the front door.

"You called him!?" she screamed, "and didn't let me call dad!?" she started to cry I think.

The next little bit is what I THINK happened, as I'm still kind of shaking 13 years later, typing this, I can't quote exact words here.

"Hi, How's it goin'?" my husband asked her.

"Yes, I called him on my way home from the pool. I thought he needed to be able to tell you what you wanted to know." I tried to stay calm. "Would you like to call dad?"
So she did.  She told him she was at my house, and my husband was there and could he come up?


How awkward was this. I'm sure there was conversation, but I honestly don't remember it.

So, just a bit later, (they were maybe 15 min. from our house driving the back way) my dad walked through our front door. "What's all this about?" I think he said.

I think my husband started out by saying, "We don't plan on going out to church anymore." and my dad said, "Well, that's a great birthday gift!" but not in a happy way, "I figured this was coming." He added.

This was not the reaction I thought he'd have...I was thinking to myself....Really?! What made you think that? No church attendance in over 3 months? Wow, you catch on fast!
Maybe they put off talking to us so long the same reason we put off talking to them so long...we didn't want this to be over, and we knew that's what was going to happen.

"Well, where do we stand with the boys?" he asked.

"They're your grandchildren!" I said loudly, "That doesn't change anything. You're still their papa and gram."

"I will do whatever it takes to ensure you have a relationship with my kids." my husband assured him and my mom.

They needed some time to think this over. "How about we think about this, and we'll get back to you next week?" my dad asked.

Hmm. I think there's hope after all! IF they're not completely decided on walking out of here now, forever, I'm sure they won't totally disown us forever! Well, I was a bit too hopeful that we could search for a different church, (while we still lived there) and my kids could see their gram and papa on occasion, just not at church. Nothing should change...

"We won't say anything to anyone about this, we'll think about it, and meet with you again to discuss our decision." he said.  They left, and then...

Someone said something to someone else, because that evening, we started getting phone calls from people. My aunts, my cousins, I can't keep track who called.

A few calls stood out to me, because I barely knew them.  Weird, I thought...since no one was supposed to know our conversation was had.

That was a hard few days. We had a garage sale, and it was awkward that people came from church, but they must not have known we "left". There was a lady in a group of women that stood at the edge of my driveway while her girlfriends came into the garage and "shopped". She apparently knew we "left" so she wasn't going to set foot in our garage, but one woman bought a pair of toddler shoes for her grandson.
The conversation on the way back to their car was about how we left church.

Lots of stuff happened, lots of conversations, one or two visits from friends over this week...but let's get to the "going down" part.



{in the spongebob cartoon overvoice on TV}
                                                                             "One week later..."


We agreed to meet with my parents, and they came over to our house. My mom had a card in her hand.

"Happy belated birthday." She handed me a card.

"Oh. Thanks." I said.  She hugged me, we all sat down. The boys went to play in their room.

"Well," my dad started out, "We thought about it, and we feel that as long as you don't go out there, then we're not going to come around, and vice versa."
[Or something to that effect...those may not be his exact words, but we got the picture that they were saying we choose not to be in your lives anymore because you won't go sing 10 songs in that building.]

"Ok then," [or something like that] was said by my husband.

"Can we tell the kids?" my dad asked.

I can't remember what happened, or what was said next, but I do remember the look on my husband's face, and the tone in his voice, when he told them "No!"

Some words were exchanged, honestly, I can't remember exactly, but my parents got up off the couch and went out the door, saying they loved us.

huh.

I thought love was different than a condition of attending a meeting where 10 songs were sung and "doing" all these things for the glory of man.

OK, I guess I had some adjusting of thoughts to do about love.

I opened my birthday card, and found $40.
We took his mom and sister in law to Chevy's for lunch...a belated birthday lunch of course, but on my mom and dad's dime.

The big year of events

April 1999

This is the year I turn 25. I've just been convinced that our future wasn't where I'd always thought it was. 

This year was a milestone in our family...seems every five year birthday is a big deal for my mom. 

She was a partier, she loved to have luncheons, parties, and recognize her daughters especially. As you can gather from where I'm going with this, our relationship was a bit weathered by this point. I was spending more time with my mother in law and sister in law than I was my own mother and sisters. 

We had planned a trip to Disneyland, like many families do in the spring and summertime, where we lived. It was a trip with my husband's brother and wife, and their two children. We were excited, it was our first trip with our boys. My husband and I had been there as kids.

Among our excitement, a death of a family member's friend's father had occurred. This, putting his funeral falling on my birthday, and our trip to Disneyland happening the next day...

Needless to say, my "25th" birthday bash at my mom's house was postponed for the loss of this man in our church, and our trip to CA. We talked about holding this celebration until after we got back.

Well, days go by fast!

Mother's day is shortly after my birthday, as I believe we were driving back from CA during that day. Needless to say, I didn't spend it with my mom, or my husband's mom. I'm not sure what happened after we returned, but life filled with work schedules, swimming lessons, etc. took place of the birthday party.

A few months go by, less contact with my family, more with my husband's family. 

I remember a conversation in July with my oldest sister at a Thursday night meeting, where she asked me (while my boys were "playing") what we should plan for my mom's birthday. She would turn 50 this year. A HUGE milestone in my family's life.

I mentioned speaking to my sister at "church".

Yes, I asked to not go back.

Yes, I know our future wasn't there.

I needed to know for sure-just this one last time...

I went once more after I'd cried for my husband to never make me go back. 

He didn't care how long I went, but my sister in law did. 

She was furious that I went again that night, but the outcome of what I experienced at that meeting was a definite answer to our attendance any further!

My answer to my sister about planning my mom's 50th birthday party was, 

"Go ahead, I'm not really into planning anything birthday related." 

or something to the fact of 

"You want ME to plan a birthday party? It's freaking July for crying out loud!" 

So you can see the hesitation in my attitude. The way I was raised, you "do unto others" and no one had planned a party for me...why should I plan one for anyone else? 

Now, I can see what a poor attitude I had! Thank you Jesus for taking that from me!

Never went back to the Thursday night meetings.

August 4th rolls around! Wow...several months, still no birthday recognition for my milestone that everyone else made a bigger deal out of than me. Well, it happens to be my dad's birthday today...August 4. Not sure what age, but not a "milestone age".  One we'll always remember, but not milestone age.

Swimming lessons that morning. 

My nephew had them the same time as my son, so we were all gathered at the Oregon City Swimming pool. Since my mother hadn't been very present in our lives, I think had invited her to come watch the boys at swimming lessons, forgetting it was my dad's birthday. She obliged, and showed up to greet us at the curb.

I think she felt awkward there with my mother in law, sister in law, and myself. Like she didn't fit in. That was her body language she was portraying. She really didn't have a fondness for my husband's family. She put on a good show, but she didn't have to say that she'd rather not affiliate with them.

As we headed back to the truck afterwards, my sons rode with my mother in law and their cousin as we had planned to meet up the hill at my house afterwards.

My mom stopped me, as I'd been trying to ignore this conversation was coming...I couldn't get away from it...

My last Thursday night....

I went solo...again...with my two boys.

Things didn't look the same as we pulled into the parking lot, and entered the vestibule of the building. Not that they'd changed things up, since the remodel, but I saw people and situations in a different way.  It was hard to explain, but it wasn't what I'd hope to see.

After the meaningless conversations, singing the 10 songs, and some playtime for the boys, [shorter than had been in the past], I took the boys home and sat down to converse with my husband about the evening, how his day was, etc. 

I couldn't contain the tears. 

"Please..." I cried..."Don't make me go back there..." as I shook my head in disbelief that it had taken so long for me to see our future wasn't there. 

It wasn't in the 10 songs. 

It wasn't in the playtime.

It wasn't in the conversations about our vacations.

Where was our future? This I was unsure of. But I KNEW it wasn't there. 

God opened my eyes to what "this" I'd been fighting so hard for, and struggling so much with actually was. It was not a life for our children. It was not salvation for me or my husband.  I really wasn't sure what "it" was...gathering myself together with people that had no clue of the reality of what we needed.

From that night on, we discussed what we'd do with our lives, our home, our children, our job(s)... and it didn't include driving to the "Followers of Christ" building in Oregon City and singing songs of joy, hope, peace and love...and not receiving that, or fully comprehending what those even were.

After the tears subsided, I suggested to my husband that he take his boss up on the offer of going into management with his company.

He was celebrating his 7th year with the company, and after about the first couple years, his boss had encouraged him to try to go further. Go into management, starting with an assistant manager position. 

The answer was always, "No, it's not a good fit for my family" or something along those lines, as we had our "family" and our "church" and we couldn't leave that!

Well, once we'd both discovered what we'd be "leaving" management seemed more like a better fit for our family than we'd realized.

What excitement entered our lives when his boss was told we were ready to make that move.  We had no idea the blessings God had in store for us...

The discussion that started it all...

Getting back to the Blog topic, what "started" the "end" of our relationship with most everyone we knew our whole lives...

For several months, I'd noticed the "late night" work ethic my husband had. It was necessarily bad or really late at night, but late enough that he'd get home too late to attend meeting on Thursday nights.  The boys and I was just about to leave, or he'd get home after we were already at church. I'm assuming, with what I know now, he probably didn't want me to throw a fit of why he wasn't going.

Let's fast forward...we've had our two boys, questioning, and being questioned about our actions and beliefs, and now, it's April of 1999. 

I remember coming home from our meeting on Thursday night. We'd went, sat on a bench with other mothers and children that had husbands working or sick, whatever reason, but we sang our 10 songs, as tradition would have it, and let the kids play afterward for a few minutes [although sometimes it was more like 15 or 20]...then, I took the boys back home and was greeted by my husband. He'd got home from work and was awaiting our arrival.

I was trying not to be so angry, and I sat down...and bluntly asked him, "Why do you work so long on Thursday nights?" He smiled.  I continued to ask in search of an answer I really already knew, but was hoping I could convince him otherwise.

"You work so you don't have to go to church." I stated.

"Why do you go to church?" He asked.

Wow.    I had never been asked that before.    I was contemplating...   Was it to receive instruction from the Word of God?   no   Was it to learn biblical principles?   no   Hmmm... I was thinking, "What drives me to go each week, twice a week?" 

I surely didn't like excusing myself from going. It was easier to go, show up, sing, play, and go home. 

OH! I know why I go!

"So my mom doesn't call on Friday or Monday morning to ask if we're sick, or why we didn't go."

Did I just hear myself right?

I go to "church" to keep from having to answer to my mom.

Whoa.

What was I thinking? Is that really the reason? So, now I knew why he didn't like going...feeling like he had to defend his beliefs to people that didn't want to hear what he had to say, and being spoke wrongly about by people he didn't even know. [I had to point some people out, and even explain who people were to him at times.]  Yes, he'd grown up there, but didn't have the people skills that I had apparently.

Then, it dawned on me, who was I supposed to answer to? Who had I been trying to follow? Man? [or in this case, a woman...my mom] or was I trying to Follow Christ? hmm.

I go to "Followers of Christ church" am I following Christ? 

HOW can someone follow Christ? I sure had some praying to do, and some figuring out what God was trying to say to me. 

And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. Matthew 19:28 KJV

If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour. John 12:26 KJV

among other verses in the bible, these stick out to me. If I am a follower of Christ, I will serve him, by following him, and in turn, will be rewarded.